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The thing about the Pseudo-Intellectual is that he may seem exciting to converse with at first, until you realize that what you’re doing isn’t conversing, but simply listening to him speak. A beard, man bun, flannel shirt, and devil-may-care attitude are the calling cards of this downtown denizen, but you’d be surprised how much effort actually goes into looking like you don’t give a shit.

Notice how every time you attempt to voice your opinion about the topic at hand, he cuts you off abruptly, meandering in some alternative conversational direction that eventually serves to cement his original point. That beard that so perfectly highlights his cheekbones didn’t trim itself, and that beanie covering his (seemingly) unwashed hair actually set him back at Opening Ceremony.

He’s spontaneous and game for whatever—be it posing naked for your drawing class or dropping mushrooms and driving to Montauk for the day.

He’s not super into “putting labels on things” and often disappears for days on end, only to show up at your doorstep, bewildered by your apparent vexation.

He’s been known to ask if it’s Wednesday when, in fact, it is a Sunday.

Basically, he’s fun for a fling, but don’t get too attached.

After all, do you really want someone pocketing your hair ties all the time?