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“Never” became “if,” which eventually became “when.” Max and Katie have now been together for six years and plan to start a family together at some point in the not-too-distant future.

Thomas, a 31-year-old Brooklynite, had recently moved in with his girlfriend, Pamela, when the issue of children suddenly assumed center stage. He also knew that Pamela, who was 26 at the time, wasn’t sure if she wanted to be a mom, and he was fine with that.

Max wasn’t fazed when Katie*, the woman he’d been dating for a few weeks, casually mentioned that she didn’t plan on having children.

While Max has always known that he wanted to be a father, he was only 25 at the time and still in business school—it’s not like he wanted to be a father now.

It’s one thing to hurt another adult who went into a relationship willingly, but it’s not okay to put an innocent third party in a position to get hurt by being unwanted or unloved.